Separation of Tasks

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- Fear and Separation of Tasks
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- fear seeps in when Im empty, true Self, without a person, amongst @saie or other people. This fear is the burning. The burning of the person. It is #notmytask to manage how others handle it. Let's separate that out Sid. Maybe this fear is not yours. Hm.
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- Books / The Courage to Be Disliked
- PHILOSOPHER: There is no need to be recognized by others. Actually, one must not seek recognition. This point cannot be overstated.
- why does one want to be praised by others?
- In many cases, it is due to the influence of reward-and-punishment education.
- It leads to mistaken lifestyles in which people think, If no one is going to praise me, I won’t take appropriate action and If no one is going to punish me, I’ll engage in inappropriate actions, too.
- It is not necessary to satisfy other people’s expectations.
- If you are not living your life for yourself, then who is going to live it for you?
- PHILOSOPHER: Wishing so hard to be recognized will lead to a life of following expectations held by other people who want you to be “this kind of person.”
- When one is confronted with the task of studying, for instance, in Adlerian psychology we consider it from the perspective of “Whose task is this?”
- In general, all interpersonal relationship troubles are caused by intruding on other people’s tasks, or having one’s own tasks intruded on.
- There is a simple way to tell whose task it is. Think, Who ultimately is going to receive the result brought about by the choice that is made?
- One has to pay attention. Adlerian psychology does not recommend the noninterference approach.
- If it’s studying that is the issue, one tells the child that that is his task, and one lets him know that one is ready to assist him whenever he has the urge to study. But one must not intrude on the child’s task.
- Actually, with families there is less distance, so it’s all the more necessary to consciously separate the tasks.
- If you are leading a life of worry and suffering—which stems from interpersonal relationships—learn the boundary of “From here on, that is not my task.” And discard other people’s tasks
- - Books / The Courage to Be Disliked
- Then let’s envision a scene in which your parents are vehemently opposing your choice of place of employment.
- But how to come to terms with the emotion of “not approving” is your parents’ task, not yours. It is not a problem for you to worry about. YOUTH: Now wait a minute. Are you saying that it doesn’t matter how sad I make my parents feel? PHILOSOPHER: That’s right. It doesn’t matter.
- PHILOSOPHER: All you can do with regard to your own life is choose the best path that you believe in. On the other hand, what kind of judgment do other people pass on ??choice? That is the task of other people, and is not a matter you can do anything about.
- Now, why are you worried about other people looking at you, anyway? Adlerian psychology has an easy answer. **You haven’t done the separation of tasks yet. ==You assume that even things that should be other people’s tasks are your own.==**
- You think, I’ve got that boss, so I can’t work. This is complete etiology. But it’s really, I don’t want to work, so I’ll create an awful boss, or I don’t want to acknowledge my incapable self, so I’ll create an awful boss. That would be the teleological way of looking at it.
- Then suppose you had done the separation of tasks. How would things be? In other words, no matter how much your boss tries to vent his unreasonable anger at you, that is not your task. The unreasonable emotions are tasks for your boss to deal with himself.
- There is no need to cozy up to him, or to yield to him to the point of bowing down. You should think, What I should do is face my own tasks in my own life without lying.
- **==First, one should ask, “Whose task is this?” Then do the separation of tasks.==** Calmly delineate up to what point one’s own tasks go, and from what point they become another person’s tasks. **And do not intervene in other people’s tasks, or allow even a single person to intervene in one’s own tasks.**
- Please do not think of the separation of tasks as something that is meant to keep other people away; instead, see it as a way of thinking with which to unravel the threads of the complex entanglement of one’s interpersonal relations.
- Cut the Gordian Knot
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  - local legend that said, “He who unravels this knot shall be master of Asia.”
  - YOUTH: Well, didn’t he unravel the legendary knot with ease, and go on to become the ruler of Asia? PHILOSOPHER: No, that’s not how it happened. As soon as Alexander the Great saw how tight the knot was, he pulled out his sword and sliced it in half with one stroke.
  - “Destiny is not something brought about by legend, but by clearing away with one’s own sword.”
  - - An adult, who has chosen an unfree way to live, on seeing a young person living freely here and now in this moment, criticizes the youth as being hedonistic. Of course, this is a life-lie that comes out so that the adult can accept his own unfree life. An adult who has chosen real freedom himself will not make such comments and will instead cheer on the will to be free.
- When you are disliked, or feel that you are being disliked, by someone, what state of mind does it put you in?
- We seek to be free from interpersonal relationships. However, it is absolutely impossible to live all alone in the universe. In light of what we have discussed until now, the conclusion we reach regarding “What is freedom?” should be clear.
- In short, that “freedom is being disliked by other people.”
- It’s that you are disliked by someone. It is proof that you are exercising your freedom and living in freedom, and a sign that you are living in accordance with your own principles.
- One neither prepares to be self-righteous nor becomes defiant. One just separates tasks.
- The courage to be happy also includes the courage to be disliked. When you have gained that courage, your interpersonal relationships will all at once change into things of lightness.