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title:: Books / The Courage to Be Disliked end:: Jul 31st, 2022 score:: - Progressive Summarizations - Separation of Tasks id:: 62af9316-859f-404a-930e-5f5ed736af37 - Confidence vs Trust collapsed:: true - Here, I will consider the words “believing in others” in the context of distinguishing trust from confidence. First, when we speak of trust, we are referring to something that comes with set conditions. We refer to it as credit. - For example, when one wants to borrow money from a bank, one has to have some kind of security. The bank calculates the amount of the loan based on the value of that security, and says, “We will lend you this much.” The attitude of “We will lend it to you on the condition that you will pay it back” or “We will lend you as much as you are able to pay back” is not one of having confidence in someone. It is trust. - By contrast, from the standpoint of Adlerian psychology, the basis of interpersonal relations is founded not on trust but on confidence. - It is doing without any set conditions whatsoever when believing in others. Even if one does not have sufficient objective grounds for trusting someone, one believes. One believes unconditionally without concerning oneself with such things as security. That is confidence. #unconditionalPositiveRegard - ==YOUTH: An antonym of confidence? Uh . . . PHILOSOPHER: It is doubt.== id:: 62d5839e-002a-4e5a-98dd-d9c5f3680b48 - The other person will detect the doubt in your eyes in an instant. He or she will have an instinctive understanding that “this person does not have confidence in me.” - It is precisely because we lay a foundation of unconditional confidence that it is possible for us to build a deep relationship. - If I were to have confidence in someone unconditionally, I would just get taken advantage of. However, you are not the one who decides whether or not to take advantage. That is the other person’s task. - But if you are afraid to have confidence in others, in the long run you will not be able to build deep relationships with anyone. - It is precisely because one can gain the courage to enter into deeper relationships by having confidence in others that the joy of one’s interpersonal relations can grow, and one’s joy in life can grow, too. - The courage to overcome the fear of being taken advantage of—where does it come from? PHILOSOPHER: It comes from self-acceptance. - If one can simply accept oneself as one is, and ascertain what one can do and what one cannot, one becomes able to understand that “taking advantage” is the other person’s task, and getting to the core of “confidence in others” becomes less difficult. - - Random Highlights - Kurt Vonnegut quoted in one of his books: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.” It’s in the novel Slaughterhouse-Five. - PHILOSOPHER: And there are also times when someone deceives you, and you get used that way. But look at it from the standpoint of someone who has been taken advantage of. There are people who will continue to believe in you unconditionally even if you are the one who has taken advantage of them. People who will have confidence in you no matter how they are treated. Would you be able to betray such a person again and again?