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location:: Home - Avalon 2, Boston victory-hour:: no😴 pomodoro-blocks:: 0 wake-up:: 7 AM day:: Sunday icon:: 🗓 - ==WEEKEND== - ### Remember: - --- - 🛏️ 🧘 8 - 10:30 practice/victoryroutine🌞 - #nowPlaying🎵 #music/anyma - #mooji/20mins-peacefullife - **08:57 AM, day. Morning Pages** - A #selfinquiry in my dream last night #dream #Diary collapsed:: true - I was first anesthesized for a surgery, however I couldn't, as I was up. I knew I would be up. I could feel me drowsing but I reamined aware. Doctor noticed. - Then I was woekn up, surgery cancelled. Doctor was sorry for he felt he fucked up as he didn't wash my hands. Whatever, I was just glad they took measure to ensure I was totally asleep before operating. - Then I had @Alia Bhatt energy type girl. She kissed me. Made love boldly. Hm. That felt good. It felt really good. As if a deep crating and deep desire was satisfied. Saw her fighting crazy with her sister, she had house decorated to welcome her sister, sister didn't ack and was a bitch, so she became double bitch, snatched eveything off the wall, super angry. etc etc. girl and sister fights. - But then I see her in saree. I grab her boobs. She kisses me. I am relaxed. The energy is very tasty, - What was it? Why did I crave it? Am I missing something in my current parter? I know I don't want to find out. - What felt good was that I could relax. Hmm. The alia energy taking on the world; her skirmishes with the world. Putting the foot forward. All of this relaxed me. This relaxation is what I craved. Around this energy. I had to do nothing. - In my deep reflection, I found this desire to be a vice; natural but a vice. - I know #saie can fight, tkae on the world. Although I know she remains on the backfood. Hidden. Behind closed doors. That tires me. Thinking about it just irritates me. hmm. - That siad, would I be happier with #@Pari K type energy as a replacemnet? I doubt it. The good is good, but the bad would be unbearable, diminishing or maybe I don't know. - Maybe all of this is not either or. I am missing an energy and my mind is creating it. Universe will then maybe find it. - 📺 🥣 10:30 - 1 PM. Break fast and family calls - I didn't want to eat out. Especailly no bread. But Saie got Tates bakery stuff. I am full. But it's ok. It's sunday. She is allowed. - 📞 #call📞/saieparents #Krodh ki jwala - This is it. #saie can be allowed to fuck my ass like that. At this point her unwareness can't be an excuse. No benifit of doublt unless this things resolves. Full stop. - convo - @Anjali Mogre - "house is nice, well kept" id:: 650ad476-ab05-4e11-abd1-e7a16a82472c sid - oh that is all saie Anjali - oh, she has time for all this? - they make me sick. They are sick. I might just as well call @Ranjan Mogre to keep the relationship. But mogre bitches - #beware. Not cool. And I you will get the #shiva you are inviting. - 📞 #call📞/parents - Usual. Mom is unwell. especially on taking unnecessary pill. I asked her not to trust doctor to which saie has to bring her ridicule tone. While I thought she understood what I was saying about trust in expert last night. She is really a bitch. Look. I don't desire or wish I can change her character. ButI do promise to Be 200% Myself #boom - I am super annoyed. I know I am not the doer. So what? - Nothing. I do. With Be 200% Myself. That the #antidote - Good news is that she feel in love that 200% sid. That #sid/2013. So maybe I take responsibility of rekindling our relationship. - 4 - 10 PM - fun outing - **23:11 PM Lights Off** - Before bed yoga - I’m heartbroken. Funny the modek video triggered me. What is it? I’m deeply hurt 😞. Saie broke my trust. I feel v v hurt by her behavior. And then she acts ignorant about it which is it impossible to talk about. I can’t even express my pain. #Krodh ki jwala - I’m out on the couch. I can’t sleep in the room. I hate those fucking srghhh phd iit is madarchod title class. Mogre is the professor that’s the rot of Indian system. A victim really. Sigh 😌 - Why didn’t she see? How did she make me see? What do I do? - I just remembered saie stood up when he pushed me for passport thingy - She did. Also how dare he? I should recall the pressure they created l. And the potential of what they could have done. My god. - I feel choked. Because of her. I wanna talk and discuss. I’m unable to. This is what eats me from inside. - Saie hasn’t made any real relationship with my family. Not even an effort. It bothers me. In fact bothers more as as I try and want have relationship with her family. What narcissistic bunch? I’m irked beyond belief at times - Why do I accept if I have so much held inside me? Koi mazboori nahi hai Meri. I cna let it go but now it bothers to the point that I’m unable to sleep. - Last time this happened - I did send me a long ass message. At least they acknowledged. It wa this girl who seemed hurt by her ego l. Hmm. Maybe she is the fucking problem. - Just like Shweta. This bitch has real issues. And I’m suffering. I wound want to fail fast hmmm. I promise yo walk extra 100 miles if she is willing to walk with me id:: 650ad476-0de4-4cc5-b17a-430c148158f9 -