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location:: Home - Avalon, Boston victory-hour:: pomodoro-blocks:: wake-up:: day:: icon:: 📅🗓⚡️🌟🌟🌟🌟 - **06:09 AM, day. Morning Pages** - Remember: Distractions are many, Truth is only. Abide. - **What’s going on inside me at this moment?** - Some space after morning yoga - 10 mins. - **What comes top of my mind?** - The cocktails from last night. I got controlled. I am aware but I was so sure about how I was feeling! I wanted to act fully. Looking back I feel weird. Who is real then? - #selfinquiry Nothing to Drop #Diary collapsed:: true - **What is smallest thing I can do for settling the top of mind thing?** - What happened at the bar? - I felt confused. Saie tricked me. She says "pulling my leg" - asking me "kya hua waha pe" - vicious. I felt reality being pulled from under. I thought she was high or weird. Mental. Really. - The confusion paranoid me. The the gender dysmorphia - the barterner man/women, I remember looks and glances and the vibes. Then the drinks hit me hard. Remember 2 cocktails in nyc style hard - I get super drunk! act with total unsophistication. Did that. Pulled saie to check out causeway st. Thing were clsoed. She was negative. Told her many bad remarks. Judged 100x times. Little fight. Little disspointments. I was hurt. I hurt her - for not exploring and being adventurous with me. - All of that feels like nonsense to me right now. Saie didn't want to go to another palce - fine. Ok I wanted to. She joined me till causeway. She knows she was party pooper. What would I have done? HHm... I would have always allowrd her to have as much fun as she wants! - Yes this hurts when I think about it. But I know she loves me. Hmm. Ok let's leave at the she didn't even wanna leave home yesterday but she pulled herself out for me with me. - Baal ki khaal chodo. I wanna look inwards. I am feeling veyr annoyed. Very unstable. - What's unstable? - I felt like people looked at me and judged me. And I cowered. I felt weak and invaded hmm. - Raat gayi baat gayi? I can only speculate now right? create a story? Is there something to learn? - #maya was strong. hmm #boom - Going out, into it, not half way at home, reveled it's grip. - Drop it. Drop it hard. It's the Baitaal. - #mooji/effortlessbeing - Thank you. Mooji. Nothing to drop. Just Be. I am. #satori - - **What is the smallest thing I can do to be more in line with who I am?** :) - **What first word pops into my mind when I think about today?** I am - **What's one good thing about Saie?** - her creativity, the imagination, fiction writing - wow mogre has a Harvard profile - https://connects.catalyst.harvard.edu/Profiles/display/Person/209967 - **What is smallest thing I can do make Saie happy today?** - Morning kiss. Right now. - **What is one thing I like about myself today?** - The self inquiry - **If I were guaranteed not to fail, what would I be doing differently?** - **Exercise Small Thoughts**