Error converting content: marked is not a function
- Don't Say, Do - I dont' want to anymore. #Diary collapsed:: true - I don't want o have any act manifest out of me that is not love. i agree. I want this. I still don't know what and how shall I abide - You say stay aware? Ok. But I want to pay attention to things when I in it, doing ti. coding. Writing. Thinking. solving. - Bring back the attention? Ok I did. I am not sure if I am not in love. What is the litmus test? - I am obseving right now. After this call with @dad - emotional gap topic - Ok yes, I feel resistance. I don't feel love towards my brother - Manish. And why should i? Why is that a THAT MUST happen. I reject that. - So I am rejecting? Wow. That's catch 22 then. I am sure I will find some thing that I have to reject. My mind to trick play it. - I am lost 😞 - #selfinquiry what exactly is confusing? collapsed:: true - I am unable to send message to Manish to fix the matter. I agree that I got angry, extremely angry. Thats what he and parents saw. I know I was living my nightmare in real life. - Are you fearing losing to him? - I don't want to mvoe from my position. I am not allowing leeway. I don't want him to win and slide this one out without consequences -- I don't want bad consequences. But I want to tell him that I love him. HE SHOULD KNOW!!! - I am hurt because he, as I felt, hav never loved m eback the back I did. Let me stranded - literally. - You expect love in return? - yes. I do. I know... but I do. So whhat should I do? - I abide to stay loving wihtout expecting love back in return. I start by making myself available. collapsed:: true - {:height 242, :width 218} - - This hurt not being loved back is not new to me. I have seen my reactions before. Feel like Betrayal. @Simon Vuong for friendship at times. - I have the expectaion for the universe to love me back. - I want to be loved? - Why? Because I am loving you? I don't know. I know more clearly that I definitely don't wnat to be hated. at least not for wrong reasons. Just the hateful energy will be annoying and it will make me question my beahvior for sure. - Why? becasue I don't expect hate to come as a defualt. Not something I want to generate without knowing. So when i happens I would be confused and wnat to know where it is coming from so I can tackle it. Hate scares me. I want to contain it then. Hmm - Imagine if I got a roommate. Next I feel immense hatred. I would want to know wtf I did that caused it. And if I feel crazy love - I would accept it readily and give credit to my good looks. Like really. I would still assess. It' just that it's easy for me to assign my love towards me to good look. #interesting hmm. - Damn! I am a woman. Or it's the feminine quality in me. I say it is in all of us - men and women. I just said that so I feel manly. Another fear. - Ok so I assign unwarranted love towards me to good looks, and I always wnt to assess and unerstand where the hate comes from - mostly look for my behavor or things I said. Have found I must have hurt the person hmm. So I they must have felt hate from me? OR not love! ooo, then why' cant they react the same way as I do! #boom Good question - **Then I must believe that if I get cold vibes, no love from someone, I may have not reciprocated them the love to begin me.** Love begin with me. Why do I expect somebody else to take the first step? - Maybe then #wehavefoundtheenemy - Take The First Step - I am asking for love in return. Have I given it to all who might have expected it from me? - Do It For Love - Dreamers ought to dream. We will build new? Preserves too busy preserving. The problems for dreamers is to take every person along. No one left behind. That’s the battle #leftVsRight - #goodday