Pain

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- Inherited Family Trauma
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- Source:
- Inherited family trauma begins when the impacts of a traumatic event are too threatening to be resolved in a single generation.
- Pain that is too great to be felt by one person becomes submerged until it can find a pathway for expression in their descendants. In this way, we can unconsciously carry the feelings, symptoms, behaviors, and hardships of earlier generations as if they were our own.
- The trauma of past generations can and does live on, reaching out from the past to find resolution in the minds and bodies of those living in the present. #ghostfromthepast
- In one of the most striking [studies](https://www.nature.com/articles/nn.3594), a group of mice was trained to fear a cherry blossom-like scent called acetophenone. Each time they were exposed to the smell, they simultaneously received an electric shock. After a while, the shocked mice had a greater number of smell receptors associated with that particular scent and enlarged brain areas devoted to detecting it.
- The experience of pain had changed them, but the intriguing part is what happened to their offspring. Both the pups and grandpups of the experimental mice, when exposed to the odor, became jumpy and avoided it. Despite never having experienced the smell themselves, they had inherited the fear response of their predecessors.
- @Tiago Forte
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  - Even on a spatial level, I’ve always felt this need to place myself up against a wall or in a corner of the room, as if taking up more space than I “deserved” would be a cardinal sin. Later on, that visceral feeling was translated into a feeling of not belonging, of not deserving to belong, or being unworthy of things due to this place I had usurped or occupied unfairly.
  - I began to see that the pressure didn’t come from any external source. It came from within me. I was more comfortable and felt more like myself in that state of near panic. And so I kept it going at all costs, even in the face of accumulating costs in other areas of my life
- Like chronic pain telling you to pay attention to a part of the body, psychic pain can be your mind’s attempt to call attention to psychological wounds that need attention. That could include wounds you’ve taken on that never belonged to you in the first place.
- Perhaps your symptom is forcing you to take a step you haven’t taken, a step you can no longer ignore. Maybe you are being asked to complete a stage of development that got interrupted by an event in your life. Your pain could be recreating a state of helplessness that serves to bring you close to your parents. Or conversely, maybe it forces growth and independence from them.
- Your language provides the clues to help you find the answer.
- This “core language” can include:
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  - Intense, urgent, or dramatic words people use to describe their deepest fears.
  - Words that are unusual or feel out of context from what the person knows or has experienced.
  - Recurring complaints we have about our relationships, our health, our work, and other aspects of life.
  - Unexplainable habits or idiosyncratic impulses.
- it begins by answering the question, “What is your worst fear – the worst thing that could ever happen to you?”
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  - @sid
  - Knowing I was stupid and delusional all along. Everybody knew it except me. I tremble as I write this. Almost hesitant to put words.
  - In other words, the fear of shattering of my world view. A total collapse that feels like opening your eyes finding yourself in the middle of the Pacific Ocean where all you see is water everywhere. No sense of direction, don’t know what to expect next, don’t know what to do next.
  - Hm. Isn’t then this the fear of not knowing who I am? Wow. I content that I spent my entire life dedicated to this question.
  - The fear is of finding out who I am is less smart and more stupid than who I think I am. Being mocked and laughed at by others behind my back. This is how I felt in school as a kid.
- As you read the examples below, take note of which ones jump out at you or provoke a reaction:
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  - “I’m all alone”
  - “They reject me”
  - “They leave me”
  - “I let them down”
  - “I’ll lose everything”
  - “I’ll fall apart”
  - “It’s all my fault”
  - “They abandon me”
  - “They betray me”
  - “They humiliate me”
  - “I’ll go crazy”
  - “I’ll hurt my child”
  - “I’ll lose my family”
  - “I’ll lose control”
  - “I’ll do something terrible”
  - “I’ll hurt someone”
  - “I won’t deserve to live”
  - “I’ll be hated”
  - “I’ll kill myself”
  - “They’ll lock me up”
  - “They’ll put me away”
  - “It’ll never end”
  - @sid
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  - Nothing “jumps out”, but closest to my fear is “they betray me”
  - @Tiago Forte
  - the one that jumped out at me with red lights flashing was “I won’t deserve to live.”
  - As Wolynn predicted, the words felt extremely dramatic and threatening. They seemed to transcend time and space, as if they had already happened, were happening now, and would happen in the future. I felt the impact of these words like a punch to the gut.
  - For years, I’ve had a certain scene play out in my mind as if from a movie: I’m running a race and arrive at the finish line only to find that there is no one there to celebrate with me. I have driven them away by my selfishness, and it is all my fault.
  - - Wolynn asks readers to dive deeper into surface-level fears, asking repeatedly, “And then what would happen as a result of that?”
  - @sid
  - They betray me and I a deep pain shoots in my heart. I suffer a massive cognitive dissonance and a painful loss or worse a physical uncompromising position - like being tricked to take LSD.
  - My trust is broken. And this challenges my entire world view. I feel lack of control, weak and very compromised.
  - At the same time - mujhe pyaar mein dhoke se dar nahi lagta. First, been there. Second, this has been my life’s mission to overcome this fear.
  - The foundational fear is fear of loss. Through the process of uncovering this myself I found that which can never be lost #Self
- The next step in Wolynn’s process is to find the ancestor who the trauma originates with.