Everyone I meet disappoints me

Error converting content: marked is not a function

  - Everyone I meet disappoints me
  
  Including this text edit 
  
  I’ll self reflect, look at fingers pointing back at me, who have I become? 
  
  Better 
  
  That’s what comes front of mouth 
  
  Different 
  
  on second attempt 
  
  I’m playing a different game 
  People are worse in here 
  Always seeking advantage 
  
  But then why are people on the outside disappointing? 
  Hmm 
  Maybe because I don’t know what they want 
  Hmm 
  Because I assume they must seek an advantage? 
  Hmm 
  
  Interesting. 
  
  But I’m pissed 
  Angry at the engagement with my childhood friend 
  For he behaved and tried to contain me 
  Hmm. 
  Instead of my expectation to contain 
  I expect him to be lower 
  Below 
  At reverence 
  Hmm 
  
  But when I see them outplay 
  Speak behind my back 
  To frame me into a box 
  To act above me 
  I am deeply offended 
  
  Aren’t we both then playing the same game? 
  Let’s say we are 
  But then only one can win 
  Hmm 
  
  Why does my friendship with Ercan work? 
  We have a common mission 
  And he lets me drive 
  Hmm 
  And we are successful. He play his role with style. He enjoys it. I am ecstatic 
  
  Maybe I have changed? Maybe friends have as well? Maybe there are part of me they remind me, maybe there are parts that just don’t register 
  
  Anil -“Maine bola taj chalte hajn majn pay kar doonga” 
  
  Anil & Rai taking - “bas poorani story bata rahein hani, main siddhu ko bolta hu saie se baat kara, toh aaj kara raha hai” 
  
  Rais wife - no greeting, I said hello to his son 
  
  In the morning, group was together, I called my own birthday 
  Mudit wished 
  Ravi’s wife - “happy birthday bhaiya, obtuse disconnect” 
  No real connection 
  
  Himanshu wished on chat. No call ☎️
  🚩
  
  I’m 38, under alcohol so won’t finalize any plans 
  But I put this in for consideration
- never to call or make inbound attempt for any communication with this gang; then time will tell
- I stay real; I stay real; the executive sid, and other Sid or side will only allow others to disappoint me hmm. Do it to save them
- Do it to save them. No giggling. No adjustment. Just tough love. Always on. Tough love. Always on. Tough love
- Look good doing it all. Workout 🏋️ and stay a star 🌟 
  
  
  12:30 AM - Himanshu called 
  Better convo than rest of lko gang; guess US makes for common topics and understanding 
  Also has a curious business mind which helps relate with 
  Interesting 
  Still a desi Gawar 
  Won’t bring him home 
  But I can better speak to him about collaborating on a project than to rest of the gang 
  
  Gawar hain yeh log 
  Outside of family setting, do they know how to meet us? 
  Hmm 
  The tricks that Anil played 
  I call him immediately after she leaves office 
  I hang up just at 4pm before she comes back home 
  Omg. This was worse than khosla 
  😡
  I feel the urge back to square this one out with him 
  But gawar hain yeh 
  Hmm.
  
  Feels like white people letting ghetto be ghetto
  But I didn’t keep slaves 
  I am not responsible for anyone’s state of being 
  No shame, no guilt 
  Just disappointment 
  For I want to be friends 
  But I cannot lower my status 
  Hmmm 
  I cannot lower my status into gutter
  
  “Keep people at arms length” 
  
  Hmm 
  Yes 
  This is it. This resonates. This solves. This insulates.