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- I picked this laptop at this hour as something is bothering me. To the point where I saw a doubt of being delusional came into my head. My reach to my #boston ex #Cogito contacts has been unfulfilling and left me estranged. I am almost taken aback by the lack of response or enthusiasm on their part to meet or connect. Very late response to messages, making communication difficult and just lacking. My expectations totally didn't match this reality. So I am here in sort of a #cognitivedissonance. What is going on? - Early in Aug, I met @jake f when saie moved in. All was well. He came in. He also helped saie with mattress on one phone call. This matched my expectation and I felt good about Jake. I owed him one. - Since my move here on Aug 21st, 2022, a month ago, I have tried to mostly connect with ex Cogito peeps. Here are how I see it. - @jimmy goddard put a comment on fb. I reached on text. He responded but then delays on scheduling the day. I was left waiting for over a week for his message. We scheduled the date Thu, Sep 15th, 2022 , this week. The brothers are still the same. Special boys. I didn't like my over exitement in the meeting. It went well, we discussed a bit, they didn't drink, I was dumb to have a beer, and have another one with Saie. I sacrificed, I compromised. They came in to see me. They cam to city. So I guess it balances out. I immediately reached out to @Ray Z which they mentioend is excited to meet me. - @Ray Z quick back and forth messages with Ray. We planned a dinner or something on Sep 29th, 2022. This felt good. Felt like connection. Funny of all I was least open to Ray, or least striving to be friends with him, and he is the one closest and most open to me. Hnn, - I immediately then reached out to @kon k expected similar open connection and some old dude excitement. His repsonse was my first big trigger. - {:height 251, :width 202} - I felt all the emotions I felt at Cogito with him. It took me back, I was confused. I was snatched out of my agency. ==Who is he to tell me that I will meet both Ray and him together?== As I write, I realize, most of it is likely my over reaction. I might be reading way too much between the lines. - Regardless, I didn't respond to him. I was too emotional. I didn't know what to say to be honest. He just made a move and all I could do now is show up to meet him and Ray and gang at his terms. - I am likely going to clarify this with Ray tomorrow. But you see how Kon just ==added work on my plate==? This is reminescent of @Raju Matta. Creating #mischief - @KC Laxton - reached to him on LinkedIn over a week ago. He responded immediately but has now responded to my text today after a week. Also he hasn't made effort to connect or suggest that we meet. So I am not responding to his casual chat anymore. I feel like a guy chasing a woman who isn't showing interest and I don't want to pursue.. really. I feel better writing it this way. But this interactions left me confused and doubtful. - {:height 117, :width 116} - #Realization I just realized. I am expecting too much. I read the message now and the entire scenario seems to play out ok. It's normal. Kc is just chatting with me like he would. ==I am expecting myself to be treating special because I came back to Boston.== This is the #mismatchedexpectation. Nobody really cares or find it special other than me. Sure they are excited and ok to connect back. Why would they jump off their seats though? hmmm. This is #sidbutthurt. - Ah. Then I forgot by @Ken Cox. I documented my feeling and confusion in a self inquire this Thursday on morning pages: Block Reference - {:height 448, :width 192} - I realize that maybe my last message had too many assumptions. Why would Ken care that I left and came back to Boston after 3 years. ==I am expecting intimacy or forcing it. hm. This hurts.== This is my love and friendship to him. Sigh. - Then my self inquiry had me the right direction: ==I'll do that I had to do and that it's not my task if the other person does not respond to my love letters. I shall keep sending love letters.== Neki kar dariya mein dal - In all, as we see, there is a lot happening while I try and connect with old connections. It is waking up relatioanship. And maybe it's hard for people. I must at least acknowledge that. - Writing this my doubts have cleared. **In Summary: People are acting and behaving the way they are.** It's not different. In fact, this is the catch. I expected them to act different as I self-positioned myself as special homecoming boy. But then I was butt hurt because they didn't act different. Not matching my expectation. So I ask myself - why didn't they act the way I expected, why did they act different? You see. They didn't. They were the same. I didn't look at the right problem. The #enemyisme. - ==Lesson: Watch out the tendencies, desire and mind's expectation to be treated special by other people. Stay Humble.== #lesson id:: 6395d2e7-fd6c-4917-8990-4cd70dc2efa9 - I responded a like to Kon. and texted back to KC. Being huble is easier. I feel lighter, less burdened and happer, The burden is the person - The problem my my ego and it's desire to feel and be treated special.