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title:: Books/A Way of Being - icon:: 📖 tags:: #Books purchased:: Sep 9th, 2022 start:: Sep 9th, 2022 end:: published:: length:: author:: @Carl Rogers cover:: - Ideas - Congruence collapsed:: true - In place of the term “realness” I have sometimes used the word “congruence.” By this I mean that when my experiencing of this moment is present in my awareness and when what is present in my awareness is present in my communication, then each of these three levels matches or is congruent. - For example, a client is talking to me and I suddenly feel an image of him as a pleading little boy, folding his hands in supplication, saying, “Please let me have this, please let me have this.” I have learned that if I can be real in the relationship with him and express this feeling that has occurred in me, it is very likely to strike some deep note in him and to advance our relationship. - I feel a sense of satisfaction when I can dare to communicate the realness in me to another. - I regret it when I suppress my feelings too long and they burst forth in ways that are distorted or attacking or hurtful. - Bring about a climate marked by genuineness, prizing, and understanding - On the basis of my experience I have found that if I can help bring about a climate marked by genuineness, prizing, and understanding, then exciting things happen. Persons and groups in such a climate move away from rigidity and toward flexibility, away from static living toward process living, away from dependence toward autonomy, away from defensiveness toward self-acceptance, away from being predictable toward an unpredictable creativity. They exhibit living proof of an actualizing tendency. - He who imposes himself has the small, manifest might; he who does not impose himself has the great, secret might. - Highlights - It was first brought to my attention many years ago by Leona Tyler, who, in a personal letter, pointed out to me that my thinking and action seemed to be something of a bridge between Eastern and Western thought. This was a surprising idea, but I find that in more recent years I have enjoyed some of the teachings of Buddhism, of Zen, and especially the sayings of Lao-tse, the Chinese sage who lived some twenty-five centuries ago. Let me quote a few lines of his thoughts to which I resonate very deeply: It is as though he listened and such listening as his enfolds us in a silence in which at last we begin to hear what we are meant to be. One statement combines two of my favorite thinkers. Martin Buber endeavors to explain the ==Taoist principle of wu-wei,== which is really the action of the whole being, but so effortless when it is most effective that it is often called the principle of “nonaction,” a rather misleading term. - I have learned that in any significant or continuing relationship, persistent feelings had best be expressed. If they are expressed as feelings, owned by me, the result may be temporarily upsetting but ultimately far more rewarding than any attempt to deny or conceal them. -