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- this got my attention - “If people with natural gifts also possess a good work ethic and have some luck in life, envy will follow them wherever they go.” - @Robert Greene - On Envy - Person is poised to claim how the other, superior in some form, does not deserve it. Envy takes over to find evidence and reinforce this belief. Then how do high status get followers? hmm #goodquestion - #practice/Reading📖 Books/The Laws of Human Nature - Law of Envy - Learn to deflect envy by drawing attention away from yourself. Develop your sense of self-worth from internal standards and not incessant comparisons. - With envy comes the secret desire to hurt, wound, or steal from the envied person, to right the unfairness that comes with his or her supposed superiority. - envy is a painful emotion, an admission of our own inferiority, something rather unbearable for us humans. - The reason for this elusiveness is simple: we almost never directly express the envy we are feeling. - All of us feel envy, the sensation that others have more of what we want—possessions, attention, respect. - And so almost as soon as we feel the initial pangs of envy, we are motivated to disguise it to ourselves—it is not envy we feel but unfairness at the distribution of goods or attention, resentment at this unfairness, even anger. Furthermore, the other person is not really superior but simply lucky, overly ambitious, or unscrupulous. - Twitter - the envy platform - If these pangs rise to the level of consciousness and are a bit acute, we might say something hurtful or mean-spirited as a way to vent the emotion. But generally as we experience this passive form of envy, we do not do anything that would in any meaningful way harm the relationship with a friend or colleague. - passive and active envy - detecting signs of passive envy in others (for instance, little put-downs and offhand comments), you should simply tolerate this as a fact of being a social animal. - Your goal is to detect the signs of this more acute form of envy before it turns dangerous. - we also make it very difficult for others to detect the underlying envy. They see only our anger, indignation, hostile criticisms, poisonous praise, and so on. - @edmond poon at cogito. damn. “anger, indignation, hostile criticisms” - he did all this to me. was not friendly as he was too austictic to plot. Why triggered him? - me being indian and superior - he didn’t fit in, thought i didn’t deserve either because i was not #“american” - hmm. America is a standard. A bar all aspires to. White folks have the cultural head start hmm. - But if we cannot see the underlying envy, we are inevitably confused by the hostile action of the envier, and this confusion doubles the pain we experience. - To conceal this envy from herself and others now required the next logical step: she had to mentally convert Mary into an unsympathetic character. - Envy occurs most commonly and painfully among friends. We assume that something in the course of the relationship caused the friend to turn against us. - What we need to grasp is something paradoxical: people who feel envy in the first place are often motivated to become our friends. They will often go even further, becoming extra attentive and impatient to secure our friendship. - amit sood — but i overcame envy; restricted it much; it was there though - i had enviers — guddu guy from siddharth nagar and similar - Warning Signs collapsed:: true - We always feel better about people who seem to like us, and enviers know this well. - Rely upon the opinions of friends and neutral third parties. - Envy is most associated with the eyes. The root of the Latin word for envy, invidia, means “to look through, to probe with the eyes like a dagger.” evil eye - Microexpressions: You will notice the envier’s eyes momentarily boring into you, with a look that suggests disdain and a touch of hostility. ==It is the look of a child who feels cheated.== - @eugene S? - The German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer (1788–1860) devised a quick way to elicit these looks and test for envy. Tell suspected enviers some good news about yourself—a promotion, a new and exciting love interest, a book contract. You will notice a very quick expression of disappointment. - @bon bon it was so obvious - also #schadenfreude - Poisonous praise: envy bites—offhand comments expertly designed to get under your skin. - Let us say you have completed a project—a book, a film, some creative venture—and the initial response from the public is quite positive. Enviers will make a comment praising the money you will now be making, implying that that is the main reason you have worked on it. - It’s all said in a way that seems compassionate but has a #discomfortingeffect - Backbiting: If you ever get wind of a story they have spread about you, subtly or not so subtly negative, only one such instance should be enough to raise your antennae. - The push and pull: In general, criticism of you that seems sincere but not directly related to anything you have actually done is usually a strong sign of envy. People want to bully and overwhelm you with something negative, both wounding you and covering any tracks of envy. - - Envy Triggers collapsed:: true - The most common trigger is a sudden change in your status, which alters your relationship to friends and peers. You should be reasonably tolerant of this because if the tables were reversed, you would probably feel the same. - In fact, when discussing your success with others who might envy you, always emphasize or play up the element of luck. - If people with natural gifts also possess a good work ethic and have some luck in life, envy will follow them wherever they go. - ==They themselves do not feel envy toward others, so they cannot understand the emotion at all==. Unaware of the dangers, they naturally display their talents and attract even more envy. - Show your intellectual clumsiness at subjects outside your expertise. - The envier is miserable. **The best strategy is let to them stew in their “cold poison” from a distance, without any future means of wounding you, as Mary did to Jane. Their chronic unhappiness is punishment enough.** - @wes bilman - If you envy people with greater fame and attention, remind yourself that with such attention comes a lot of hostility and scrutiny that is quite painful. - ==gratitude is a muscle that requires exercise or it will atrophy.== id:: 649ac01a-3b9f-4b47-9e9b-7b7e2cdffc55 - Friedrich Nietzsche called Mitfreude—“joying with.” As he wrote, “The serpent that stings us means to hurt us and rejoices as it does so; the lowest animal can imagine the pain of others. But to imagine the joy of others and to rejoice at it is the highest privilege of the highest animals.” - Admiration is the polar opposite of envy—we are acknowledging people’s achievements, celebrating them, without having to feel insecure. - You can begin with a simple experiment: next time you hear or read about the sudden success of someone in your field, notice the inevitable feeling of wanting the same (the pang) and the subsequent hostility, however vague, toward the person you envy. - @levelsio ? #hmm. But I see my #Adult kicked in and I praise him for his optimism and enthusiastic nature. - - @Robert Greene strikes again. Just what I was brinkering on - Dark Side collapsed:: true - {{twitter https://twitter.com/robertgreene/status/1642557617271873537?s=46&t=ouA9TAj95-G6bqAxFZLRKQ}} - - On Dark Side - #practice/Reading📖 Books/The Laws of Human Nature - Law of Repression - He was a man who greatly feared the slightest internal leak and suspected betrayal in almost anyone around him, and yet he entrusted his fate to tapes that he believed would never be made public in an unedited form. - omg thats me - It was as if he secretly desired his own punishment, the child and the dark side taking revenge for being so deeply denied. #OMG - or letting it just go; let what happens happen - you have a dark side, one that you are loath to admit or examine. - It contains your deepest insecurities, your secret desires to hurt people, even those close to you, your fantasies of revenge, your suspicions about others, your hunger for more attention and power. - You will tend to blame circumstances or other people for these moods and behavior, but they keep recurring because you are unaware of their source. - Your task as a student of human nature is to recognize and examine the dark side of your character. Once subjected to conscious scrutiny, it loses its destructive power. - You can turn your neediness and vulnerability into empathy. You can channel your aggressive impulses into worthwhile causes and into your work. You can admit your ambitions, your desires for power, and not act so guiltily and stealthily. - selfish and harmful impulses dwell within you as well, that you are not as angelic or strong as you imagine. With this awareness will come balance and greater tolerance for others. - “This longing to commit a madness stays with us throughout our lives. Who has not, when standing with someone by an abyss or high up on a tower, had a sudden impulse to push the other over? And how is it that we hurt those we love although we know that remorse will follow? Our whole being is nothing but a fight against the dark forces within ourselves. To live is to” - @Henrik Ibsen - What we glimpse in these moments is the dark side of their character, what the Swiss psychologist Carl Jung called the Shadow. The Shadow consists of all the qualities people try to deny about themselves and repress. - When we experience those moments when people reveal the dark side, we can see something come over their face; their voice and body language is altered—almost as if another person is confronting us, the features of the upset child suddenly becoming visible. We feel their shadow as it stirs and emerges. The Shadow lies buried deep within, but it becomes disturbed and active in moments of stress, or when deep wounds and insecurities are triggered. It also tends to emerge more as people get older. - omg @dad on call yesterday! - Most of us succeed in becoming a positive social animal, but at a price. We end up missing the intensity that we experienced in childhood, the full gamut of emotions, and even the creativity that came with this wilder energy. - was this sid/2013? - Signs - Contradictory Behavior - Emotional Outburst - Some of their deepest fears and insecurities from childhood have somehow become activated, and this makes them hyperalert to any possible slight and ripe for smaller outbursts. Sid Manish 2023 Fight - - The fact the I let dark manifestation take its course. I trust it. Reflect.